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Fun with Telemarketers

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Rating: +1 EX-TELEMARKETER - 26 Aug 2007
Yeah as funny as this is...he is mistaken about nearly everything he claims, and I'm not talking about the telemarketer! I used to manage the Virginia State Troopers Association. Not sure if the same company is in charge of them now because it is a constant battle to keep a "project". Sometimes there is too much publicity, sometimes there is actually too much money raised and the union freaks out, sometimes not enough money is raised, etc. etc. The money does go to the Troopers Association, you write your checks to them... The State Troopers are a Union for the State Police. The problem is after paying the Telemarketing firm, the printers (had this dude listened he would have been told he would receive an ad for his business in the Virginia State Troopers Association Magazine in exchange for his donation) and other misc bills somewhere between 2 and 12% of the money goes to the actual "cause". Sometimes the cause is buying cameras for the troopers vehicles, sometimes it is a scholarship fund from a college in the state of the Troopers. Funny thing is the scholarships are often donated, they still get mentioned though. Very often (usually) the donated money goes to lobbyist to effect laws beneficial to the troopers.
75% of these State Troopers Associations are done through a place in the state of Minnesota (no matter what state the money is being raised for)called
Safety Awareness
750 Transfer Rd
St Paul, MN 55114
(651) 917-5300
Their parent company is the one that negotiates
the contracts. (can't spell the name! It is Cahlan Publishing maybe C-a-l-h-a-n Publishing ??? Something like that) They do the Trooper, Firefighters, Vietnam Vets, Vietnam Vets Benevolent Fund, County Sheriffs
(can't remember the name of their association) the Chief of Police, Peace & Police and others.....If you give to one you will be hit up by the next project in line until you just say no, and no and no...Bottom line, ANY ONE WHO CALLS YOU ON THE PHONE ASKING FOR DONATIONS IS A SCAM! I did it for years, I finally quit because I could not take the guilt, I was too good at my job....ripping people off with a silver tongue. My office raised over $1,000,000.00 in South Dakota in the mid to late 1990s(from an office in Richfield MN above a hardware store!)in 6 months. I got about $15,000.00 of that, my employees got about $100,000.00 between them, Safety Awareness got 15%, their parent company got about 3% (they get between 1 and 3% of thousands of "projects")and the South Dakota State Troopers Association FREAKED out on that kind of money and told us to stop. LOL They were used to raising $15,000.00 a year.
We did many states: Ohio, Alabama, Alaska, Minnesota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Montana, Oregon, Mississippi, and more.
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Rating: 0 ex - safety awareness employee - 29 Nov 2007
hahahaha i knew one day i would find this company in a story like this. i too feel the guilt from 10 years of working in that hell hole. i was at the main office on transfer road.
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Rating: 0 Pete - 7 Sep 2007
Totally classic, thank you for the edutainment.
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Rating: 0 DALE BURDMAN - 10 Sep 2007
SURE WISH I COULD THINK THAT FAST. GOOD JOB ,ENTERTAINING
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Rating: +1 Jack Withem - 17 Sep 2007
As soon as I see it is not someone we know on the Caller ID, I answer in German.  Of course, mixed German and poor English drives the TMs crazy.  Amazing how confused you can get them if you have the time to screw with them.  

Another fun one is to tell the TM that the person they are asking for has deployed overseas for a year.  Then I tell them I am sure their call is important and ask them for a number to call Collect to return the TM's call.    One was dumb enough to give me a number, so I emailed it to a friend overseas and got him to post it in pubs as a free phone sex number.
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Rating: +1 jaguar - 18 Sep 2007
I usually don't answer unidentified calls, but occasionally, I'll get some scammer like this.  I'll break into their schpiel and say, "Hey, can I ask you a question?".  They'll say "Sure".  Then I ask them "Does this sound like a phone hanging up?".  Click.  I never get a call back from the same person.
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Rating: +2 NurseRatchet01 - 20 Sep 2007
I had a telemarketing call today from a company that calls 6 to 8 times a day. When they called today for the fourth time, I answered (in my most bored, work for the government voice), "City Morgue." The woman on the other end stammered a couple of times then asked, "Is this Mrs. So-and-so?" I replied, "No, this is the city morgue. Can I help you?" and she hung up! Thanks for the creative input to get me going!!
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Rating: 0 kozmo - 21 Sep 2007
anti-DUI.. one min later communist soup kitchens! i so could not do that without cracking up.
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Rating: +3 nunya - 27 Sep 2007
My personal favorite was to let the telemarketer go on for about a minute then interrupting him with a very calm voice "Have you heard the word of God today?"  To which there was a pause in the schpiel then he kept right on going for another 20 seconds when I said equally as calm and somewhat far off distractedly "Jesus loves you."  There was a short pause and they hung up.  :-)  Jesus may love him, but everyone else thinks he's an as*****.
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Rating: 0 Jill - 28 Sep 2007
This is funny.
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Rating: 0 becky - 3 Oct 2007
I always tell them that the person they are looking for is deceased.  They feel guilty really quickly and get off the phone.  Another thing I said once, but this was actually true, was that I just found out I am having a miscarriage and don't really want to talk.  Again, they apologized and got off the phone.
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Rating: 0 becky - 3 Oct 2007
Also effective and stress relieving......either scream into the phone and hang up or some corded phones make a high pitched screaching noise if you hold it over the receiver.....I do that too.
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Rating: 0 N - 16 Nov 2007
LOL....I do the screeching receiver noise also, love it!!
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Rating: 0 lena - 11 Oct 2007
I kept getting the same TM call, I never would answer but they would call at least 10 times a day.

Finally I decided to answer. I started to give her the 3rd degree, I asked her how did you get my number? I'm on the do not call list, etc...
She asked if I owned any Visa? I said no. Master cards? again I said No.  any bank debit cards (knowing damn well in this day of age EVERYBODY OWNS ONE) I said No. The TM got so confused n fustrated she quickly dismissed the call and hung up. It felt so good.

THE CALL HAS STOPPED! =)
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Rating: -1 Rick - 12 Oct 2007
My favorite one is to offer to trade one question for one question. The telemarketer is always a little confused when I do this. I tell them that for every question they ask me, I get to ask them one. If its a woman, after her first question, I ask what color underwear is she wearing? If she refuses to answer, I point out that we had a deal and if she wants to go any further she'll have to answer. Another good question is has she ever considered not wearing any panties at all? Once she answers any of these questions, you can just expand on the subject matter.

If the caller is a male, I start to ask personal questions like are you married or "just" have a girlfriend? Either way, I make him tell me things like bra size, day of the month that her period starts on.

I just keep this up until finally they hang up. I never get a repeat call.
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Rating: +3 missy - 16 Oct 2007
Shoot! I wish I would have found this thread earlier today. I use these:

TM: "Hello My name is Moron and I'm with Moron Inc. How are you today?"

Me: "I'm fine...just busy with a mess. It can get messy you know...when they run. But this time I actually cut myself! Hey...do *you* know Satan?"

Then say..."Want to?"

****OR****

TM: Hello, I'm a Moron from Moron Inc.

Me: Are you selling me something?

TM: No Ma'am. I'm just calling to give you infor...

Me: No Ma'am. I'm just calling to give you inofrmation...

I just repeat everything that comes out of their mouths. THAT makes them REALLY mad!

***OR***

TM: Hello. I'm from Moron inc. How are you today?

Me: I'd be fine if my husband would stop cheating on me. And my kid...he's all into drugs...my dog...DA***T! The dog just pooped all over the house. YOU should smell it! My washer broke and now my car is about to be reposessed...and I can't find ANY of my crack vials either. My kid took them....do YOU have kids? I should have let him stay in prison, huh? Idiots...
(I only did this one once and it was replete with, well, bad words and they hung up so I don't know how much they heard.)

****OR****
TM: I'm Moron from Moron Inc. Wanna buy a timeshare?"

Me: "Only if you're in it and...naked."

(again, I only did this one once b/c I only got one timeshare call. But it was funny. The TM'er stammered and asked if there was a parent available to speak to. I couldn't help it any longer and broke out laughing, then they hung up.)

One liners are good too:

"Do you know anything about cooking cats?"
"I AM SAAAAAAAAAAAAM!I AM SAAAAAAAAAM!"
If they ask for information, scream loudly and say..."STRANGER DANGER...STRANGER DANGER!"
"I hate it when toilet paper sticks!"
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Rating: 0 N - 16 Nov 2007
OMG...that is hilarious!!
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Rating: 0 tcooker - 6 May 2008
HA!  "STRANGER DANGER...STRANGER DANGER!"

That's mine now.
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Rating: 0 Terri - 11 Jul 2008
OMG - this is just too funny - i am crying i am laughing so hard!!
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Rating: -2 j - 25 Oct 2007
Oh my God... I think two or three drops of pee came out while I was laughing at that pwn-age.

Nice response.  Top drawer acting too.
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